ANN COULTER, IMPERVIOUS TO INDICTMENT
In a column recently penned by Ann Coulter, arguably America's best known conservative female, she bemoans the fact that she cannot be indicted. She points to numerous other Republicans, from Deep Throat all the way to Stewart Libby, who have been, or have been threatened; and she wonders what she has to do to enjoy the company of these characters. She also notes, however, that for all the indictments, and/or threatened indictments, the number of convicted conservatives are few and far between. And she implies, not so subtly, that Democrats enjoy indicting Republicans, even when they don't deserve it.
She offers some examples of justice gone south. Oddly, for instance, she observes that Rush Limbaugh ("El Rushbo" as she calls him) is being threatened with indictment (but remains untouched thus far) for his admitted addiction to pain killers. If charged he will be accused of Doctor shopping--as a means of assuring his supply of more Oxycodine than the law allows--but Ms. Coulter seems to think his political preferences will have more to do with an indictment than his culpability as an errant drug user. And, for all any of us know she could be right. But, if justice prevails (and sometimes it does), El Rushbo will go down, if he does, for nothing remotely related to his conservative cosmology.
Ms. Coulter also reminds us that Newt Gingrich was roundly investigated, and threatened, that Ed Meese (late of the Reagan administration) was skewered by investigators, and that Tom DeLay, who has been indicted, was unfairly charged. And, when all is said and done, we are left with the impression that Republicans and conservatives, taken as a group, are nothing less than well meaning choir boys.
Gee, Ann, maybe that's your problem. This is a male choir, and there does not appear to be much room for a mouthy member of the distaff side. Indeed, it appears from here that your conservative colleagues tolerate you while covertly finding you obnoxious. You do have the benefit of being attractive; and no one could question your sense of humor (barbed though it is); but let's face it, you are way out there when compared to most of the otherwise circumspect female members of Bush World. Compare yourself, for instance, to Condi Rice. Would she inquire, even humorously, as to why she cannot be indicted? Or how about Karen Hughes? She is one of the president's favorite gals, but she knows her place and how to maintain the requisite distance. And, of course, there is always the redoubtable Mary Matalin, never an apologist, always a supporter. And she, too, remains behind her betters; never out in front of them. But you barge in a like the proverbial bull in a China shop, you tell it like it is (or at least as you want to believe it is--and it seems you don't know the difference), and in Bush World, telling it like it is is a privilege generally limited to those far closer to the inner circle than you are. Not that it matters too much. Their version of "like it is" is no more accurate than yours. It is just that theirs is a bit less combustible, a bit more circumspect, and--we'll admit it--far less interesting.
And to get indicted; or at least to be close enough to the inner circle to command the attention of those who could indict, you may want to alter a few aspects of your image and your personality. Cut the hair, discard the bottle of blond, shorten the skirts, quit smoking, and quit kidding with liberals. The latter is especially important. It is one thing to go on the tube with Bill Maher, but to sometimes sympathize with his points of view (even in jest) is a conservative no-no. Indeed, you are better advised to spend the majority of your tube time with Sean Hannity. Doubtless he is less interesting (and far less intelligent) than Maher, but he is a card carrying, died in the wool, fully accepted member of Bush World, and to make yourself as subject to scrutiny as those folks are you have to hob-knob with them; not with a quasi liberal libertarian.
You see, Ann, it is not that you are too nice to be indicted. It is not that you are, as a lawyer, too clever to avoid legal missteps. No, it all gets down to the simple fact that your position within the inner sanctum of Bush World is not yet firmly established. Ironically, it would be ludicrous for anyone to call you a liberal; but, sorry sweetheart, you may not be as all encompassing a conservative as you think you are. More importantly, to be part of the machinery of this administration requires that you do more than observe it. You have to join it. And that probably requires an invitation. And while we would not bet that you've never received one, we would wager that whatever chance you might have had has disappeared. And that renders you, at least within the context of the current political climate, impervious to indictment. Too bad. But, unless the Patriot Act is far more venal than we think it is you cannot be indicted for being outspoken or stupid or wrong. And that, Ms. Coulter, will continue to keep you out of the clink.
12.15.2005
Garrett 500
She offers some examples of justice gone south. Oddly, for instance, she observes that Rush Limbaugh ("El Rushbo" as she calls him) is being threatened with indictment (but remains untouched thus far) for his admitted addiction to pain killers. If charged he will be accused of Doctor shopping--as a means of assuring his supply of more Oxycodine than the law allows--but Ms. Coulter seems to think his political preferences will have more to do with an indictment than his culpability as an errant drug user. And, for all any of us know she could be right. But, if justice prevails (and sometimes it does), El Rushbo will go down, if he does, for nothing remotely related to his conservative cosmology.
Ms. Coulter also reminds us that Newt Gingrich was roundly investigated, and threatened, that Ed Meese (late of the Reagan administration) was skewered by investigators, and that Tom DeLay, who has been indicted, was unfairly charged. And, when all is said and done, we are left with the impression that Republicans and conservatives, taken as a group, are nothing less than well meaning choir boys.
Gee, Ann, maybe that's your problem. This is a male choir, and there does not appear to be much room for a mouthy member of the distaff side. Indeed, it appears from here that your conservative colleagues tolerate you while covertly finding you obnoxious. You do have the benefit of being attractive; and no one could question your sense of humor (barbed though it is); but let's face it, you are way out there when compared to most of the otherwise circumspect female members of Bush World. Compare yourself, for instance, to Condi Rice. Would she inquire, even humorously, as to why she cannot be indicted? Or how about Karen Hughes? She is one of the president's favorite gals, but she knows her place and how to maintain the requisite distance. And, of course, there is always the redoubtable Mary Matalin, never an apologist, always a supporter. And she, too, remains behind her betters; never out in front of them. But you barge in a like the proverbial bull in a China shop, you tell it like it is (or at least as you want to believe it is--and it seems you don't know the difference), and in Bush World, telling it like it is is a privilege generally limited to those far closer to the inner circle than you are. Not that it matters too much. Their version of "like it is" is no more accurate than yours. It is just that theirs is a bit less combustible, a bit more circumspect, and--we'll admit it--far less interesting.
And to get indicted; or at least to be close enough to the inner circle to command the attention of those who could indict, you may want to alter a few aspects of your image and your personality. Cut the hair, discard the bottle of blond, shorten the skirts, quit smoking, and quit kidding with liberals. The latter is especially important. It is one thing to go on the tube with Bill Maher, but to sometimes sympathize with his points of view (even in jest) is a conservative no-no. Indeed, you are better advised to spend the majority of your tube time with Sean Hannity. Doubtless he is less interesting (and far less intelligent) than Maher, but he is a card carrying, died in the wool, fully accepted member of Bush World, and to make yourself as subject to scrutiny as those folks are you have to hob-knob with them; not with a quasi liberal libertarian.
You see, Ann, it is not that you are too nice to be indicted. It is not that you are, as a lawyer, too clever to avoid legal missteps. No, it all gets down to the simple fact that your position within the inner sanctum of Bush World is not yet firmly established. Ironically, it would be ludicrous for anyone to call you a liberal; but, sorry sweetheart, you may not be as all encompassing a conservative as you think you are. More importantly, to be part of the machinery of this administration requires that you do more than observe it. You have to join it. And that probably requires an invitation. And while we would not bet that you've never received one, we would wager that whatever chance you might have had has disappeared. And that renders you, at least within the context of the current political climate, impervious to indictment. Too bad. But, unless the Patriot Act is far more venal than we think it is you cannot be indicted for being outspoken or stupid or wrong. And that, Ms. Coulter, will continue to keep you out of the clink.
12.15.2005
Garrett 500
posted by Garrett W at 10:01 AM
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